There are broad aspects of 'The Good Wife' I will always respect: the willingness to create female characters who are unapologetically themselves, flaws and all, and do not exist to fulfil your role model/unattainable fantasies. I’ll always love that this show taught me about the flaws in the justice system. I’ll love the existence of Grace Florrick and getting the chance to literally grow up with a TV character (well give or take a few years of non-growth). I will be forever thankful that I got to spend a portion of time knowing some of you in the fandom. I will always love that because we were bound by this show, I never had to open a conversation with ‘what do you like?’ and pull a pained face when I realised our interests didn’t align at all.
I appreciate the fact the show brought attention to one of my favourite writers right now, and that this show helped me find something I really, really ended up falling in love with. But, my relationship with ‘The Good Wife’ will never be about that singularly. It’ll be about the fact that this show brought out the absolute worst and best in me - because its complexity could cause me to say things of utmost stupidity. It’ll be about the fact I’ve learnt from my excessive shipping days, about the fact this show made me opinionated enough to create a blog and not care about the judgement. And that’s a big deal. Take me and public speaking, for example.
My first public speaking speech was a disaster. I was nervous, stuttery and shaky in every sense of the word. I would talk too fast, exude an incredible amount of shyness. At that point, I didn’t really know where my shyness came from. Was it just something in my genes? Was I going to spend my entire life stuttering my way through speeches and hoping for the best (and basically dying a little on that day every year where the teachers announced a speaking assessment)? I hated that feeling. I was good at things and public speaking wasn’t one of them and it built into this thing - this thing that manifest this feeling of shittiness when I was faced with another thing I couldn’t do (hey 2015, I’m staring at you). It’s only recently that I realised ALL OF IT comes from my fear of others judgment. Caring what people think of me is the single worst trait of mine - yes, worse than when I’m being unnecessarily rude, worse than when I’m procrastinating my study time away. TGW changed that. TGW paved the way for me to start talking about my opinions - when my voice was suddenly needed because I was SO OPINIONATED and thinking what others thought about me didn’t even factor into the equation. Tonight, I was part of a public presentation - I didn’t have my notes on palm cards and even if say so myself, I smashed it (based on my personal standards).
This show and my vested interest in it became bigger than my fears. And it’s taken such a long time to click, but that’s what makes this show so special to me. It’s not just the characters or the billion other things you can list. It’s the power of a TV show. It’s the power of having something which makes you forget the characteristics about you that you thought were in your DNA but they didn’t need to be. It’s that little thing that gave me confidence, because I knew I could say things and not be judged. It meant I could start opening up about a personal world which I so easily compartmentalised from my real-life friends. It gave me a support system I never could’ve envisioned - made me see my value when I didn’t, made me think beyond the bad and whilst 'The Good Wife’ will always have its fair share of flaws - this feeling won’t be forgotten.
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